Sunday, November 8, 2009

Was Einstein right?

Albert Einstein once said that if you conduct the same experiment expecting a different result each time is insanity. It makes me wonder how insanity has worked its way into my life. I want to do all these wonderful things, but none of them seem to be happening. So the question I think I have neglected to ask myself is, am I trying the same experiments? Is there something that I'm not doing, that I ought to be doing, to get the results that I desire.

I want to be social.
I mean I am 23 years old. I am young, although sometimes I feel older, there is a lot that I can do and still have left to do. But am I getting out there? Am I putting myself out there enough to gain that experience? Or am I sitting in the corner at a party, or social gathering, and waiting for people to come talk to me?

My best friend in the whole world has the best advise. I'm not very good at following some of it, but all of it is very sound. She should write a book some day. ;)

Anyhow some of it hit home recently and now I understand it.

For the longest time I have figured that in an argument, once it got to the climax and I knew I was right, I should say something quippy and then walk away. Thus installing my rightness and leaving the other person to think about how wrong they were.

This is not how the world works. My friend told me a secret. The moment I left without making a real point I was not winning at all.

You see by then wither or not I was right, by leaving nothing was accomplished. By walking away I was simply dropping the point and getting no where, no compromises were being made, no decisions were being reached. All this time I thought I was a master of communication, and all I really was doing was halting every form of communication. And in some cases allowing the bitterness to grow.

I tell you what, this is a revelation!

Having the ability to make yourself understood is great. Another thing my wise friend has told me is that I need to get off my tush and meet people. I don't really like crowds. This is weird because I love people. I just like them in smaller groups. I can handle big groups, but smaller is better.

I'm not going to lie though. The romantic idea of my sitting on a park bench and some very good looking man walks by. We look into each others eyes and that is that. But unfortunately, that, is not how it works.

If I want something I need to take it. I need to do the work its going to take to get it. Sitting on my park bench is not going to get me all the things I want out of life. However, it will give me a good view to wave as they pass me by.

These are lame experiments that I conduct over and over in hopes of getting what I want. I am not an unintelligent person, so why do I do these things? I can answer that in three words.

THEY ARE SAFE. They allow me to hide and that is what I do best.

You see, if you hide you don't bother anyone. And if you don't bother anyone then everyone is happy. Since everyone is happy then your ultimate goal has been reached and you never had to put your foot in your mouth. You are safe. Brilliant huh?

Well guess what? WRONG!

Sometimes people need a little bothering. It helps. Trust me. I know. I have a really good friend who cares enough to do it to me sometimes. And I have also noticed that once applied, even these experiments have made me so much happier.

Thanks friend.


Ross & Amanda Goodman said...

I agree, you should try to be more daring, but let me play Devil's Advocate for a moment and say that you should also remember that the dreaming and meek attributes of yourself are not bad, because they are you.

There is nothing wrong with those things! I found an amazing man to love me, and I certainly didn't do anything to deserve it! He was attracted to my shyness and found it a challenge to pull me out of myself and show him (and only him) who I really am.

I think all things should be done in moderation- so sitting in a corner cursing the room for not talking to you may be an extreme- but do yourself a favor and don't go too far to the other etreme either. It is not you, and you, my lovely sister, are beautiful!

I agree with the communication point as well- where walking away ends all forms of mediation and cooperation, but sometimes a fight is so escalated that logic no longer prevails, and emotions are too involved for anything to really get solved. I like to end FIGHTS then too and pick the DISCUSSION back up when all parties are calmer and more ready to hear rather than yell. (See, I told you I was playing advocate!)

I guess what I am saying is that while there is ALWAYS room or improvement, don't think that you have to change yourself completely to get what you want. There are traits that were given you that are inherently yours. Don't try to run from them or shed them- just use them to your benefit and tweak the negative sides of them.

This is long, and probably makes no sense. . . I love you!

Aubstar said...

Dear Friend.

Raise Hell, then sleep well.

But, like Amanda said, NEVER NEVER NEVER loose the wonderful qualities that make you you.