The Lazy Conversationalist

Okay, so I must apologize for my last post. I really like poetry, and for some time have wanted to write them. This last post was a sure example of why I should not write them as publicly as the last one. But hey, I mean, it is good for a laugh. And talk about the concept of "Free Poetry". I took that one and brutally murdered it. So, to all you writers out there. I'm sorry.

I'm tired. I feel like from day to day I am trudging through a thick mud. Not just any mud, but the kind that you used to lose your shoes in when you were a kid. The kind of mud that if you stood in long enough you would actually have to use outside help to get out of.

Some people would say that I am depressed, that is not it by any means. I really do feel tired. Sadness is not an over weighted emotion and neither is a lost of interest. Depression is not at all what I feel. Weighty, however, could be a good word. I'm trying to rack my brain for what I really feel, but there is so much. I'm trying to filter it so you don't get another "Purple Fairy" post.

I just feel a little unsure of who I am. Not that I am lost to myself. All my life I have defined who I am by the kind of people I was with. Wither they were cool, smart, or even if they just liked me. For the longest time it was the amount of people. A popularity contest, if you will, that I was trying to win with the world, not any one person just the world. If nothing but to say "Here I am! I have friends and they like me. I am identified." And I would do everything in my power to keep them; even if it meant being called "Mother" at school.

I used to think that this "Mother" thing was cool. Everyone came to me with their issues. I knew everything there was to know, and I thrived on this. And it has come to the point now that if you don't tell me, I don't know it. I lost all ability to think for myself, the thrill of investigation and observation. My social ability falters unless I have gotten the other party in the position of telling me everything, thus allowing me to end all conversation on my part, listen, and do no work. Decisions became useless. All I had to do was get the other person talking and play whatever they wanted. If I didn't like it I would make the best of it, as long as I didn't have to make the decision.

You see, if I wasn't the one making the decision then if the project flopped it wasn't my fault, it was the other parties and I was free of all blame. I could leave the situation on my own accord, but I never did. Because I was "Mother" I had to fix everything. And in a High School setting where the worst case of anguish consisted of boys and wither or not they liked you, how to get better grades, boost in confidence, depression, ect. I was very good.

Most people leave behind what they went through in High School. They walk in front of thousands of people, get a paper that says they are mentally valid, party, and get on with their lives. Not me. I thought I had, but it has since caught up with me that while other things got l left behind "Mother" never did. In High School I thrived on fixing and metaling, and still to this day cannot resist any instance when I can take this up.

Well, its not who I want to be. I am so tired of fixing everyones problems. I want to make my own decisions, and go where I want to go, when I want to go, and how I want to go, and do it in my own way. But "Mother" is so apart of me, I don't know how to let her go, and if I don't I am going to lose things that are extremely important to me.

It has even begun to follow me into my work place. When asked a simple question, such as where I might like to be assigned, I falter, and try my hardest to dance about the point until my boss mentions where it "might be best" for me to go, and I take it running. Well, thank heavens for my new boss. She knows every round and sharp curve of her point and catches me at every step so I must make the decision. She is amazing. She drives me nuts, and I think I may lose my job sometimes, but she is amazing.

My best friend seems to know the ways as well, she catches me. I have never had this before, and I know I drive her nuts. But she is always there for me in ways that I will never be able to return. She is like a sister to me. And it makes me so angry when I hurt her like I do. I seem to have this habit of screwing her over. Without even trying I take over and push her about, and yet she is still there. No one deserves that; ever. Yet, she is always there with out fail.
Thank you, for all that you do. I like you just the way you are, and couldn't possibly imagine you as something less than what you are; a good person, and a perfect friend.

I will see you all the next time I post...when?...near future...;)


P.S. I am confronting.

Purple Fairies

Purple fairies
Yellow dots
super ugly
yellow pots

Feelings thrown
feelings grown
indigestion
now I moan

I say I feel
I throw a wheel
I cant even know
Sometimes,
I want to go

Feeling lost
and at what cost
belonging, understanding
constant reprimanding

try to speak just how I feel
I'd rather be an orange peel
people like
people don't
always knowing where to stand

deep respect
lots of pain
misunderstandings
what was to gain

who am I,
purple fairies

decide, I must
just where to stand
be steadfast
winds will gust

trying to learn
feeling only burn
try to grin
my head does spin

I'm stupid, lost
simple, incomplete
fit for life
only know to compete

Am I wrong
perhaps not as strong
lost all the time
even to basic rhyme

want only to know
your idea of where
not even asking
for a little fare

Ideas, understanding
never trying demanding
Just want to know
done with the flow

Who am I
Purple Fairies

Dancings and Prancings

Recently, I went to my first Mask Ball. It was so much fun. There was dancing, food, and the chance to dress up like a princess. The only thing that lacked were single men.
I know this may sound corny, but I was invited to help with this ball a month before, and the whole time I dreamed that maybe my prince would come. He would dance with me, and we would fall madly in love. You know, a fairy tale thing. Sorry, I'm still single.....

Don't get me wrong though, I still had a fantastic time. I even won an "I love Edward Cullen" hoody! (Thanks Amy) These are a few of my partners in crime. I didn't get very many pictures. I was too busy people watching. There were some great costumes there that night.

I felt the most beautiful than I ever have in a long time.

After a while Aubrey and I realized that we really weren't doing much to help like we were meant to do. So we took the first opportunity we could to changehigh raffle prize table.

This has been my last little while.
Oh, and Aida is one of my favorite musicals now!

*Cow poke was the answer to the riddle sign.

I Like

Whenever I try to write a blog I always end up wanting to shoot something. I can't seem to get the pictures in right. So a blog that should have only takes me 10 minuets tops to write takes me about and hour and a half. Is blogging really worth this aggravation?

These are from the Corn Maze at Thanksgiving Point. It was so much fun. They have this super cool Princess spot! You, okay your little girl, can go and dress up in a princess dress and get in a carriage, and jump around a castle. It is so fun.

This is Christy. She was one of my partners in
crime at the corn maze last week. She is styling a
beautiful Barbie Princess gown topped with
the Purple Shimmer.
Work it!

This is me. Sporting, or trying to,
the Swan Princess......

Aubrey tried on Aurora's Dress.
I think she looks fantastic.
Her designer (Amy) wishes
she could have done more.

The Corn Maze was awesome. We entered the shorter part of the maze, only to find ourselves exiting five minuets later out the kiddie entrance. Hmmm. So we went back the way we came and got completely lost.
It was a thrill.

Do you get it?
I will tell you later if you don't.


Later that evening we went to Apple bees.
Westly discovered what happens when you blow on popping corn.

It was a fantastic Saturday! And the best part is that before this fun filled evening I spent the entire day doing nothing! Oh, it was wonderful. It was a great day off!

Hello!

Okay, I know I said that I would get back to you on that dinner thing. Well, it was good. It was supposed to be a chicken rice mix, a little soupy and fantastic. Well, it was first class stuffing in my opinion.

Yummmmm! Want a slice? It looks bad now,
but it looked better dished out! Promise!


I have had so much fun this month! I really love when the fall season "falls" into play and all the colors on the trees change. Its so pretty! These are some pictures from my Grandpa Wallaces's Orchard.


I love all the colors! I know you can't see anything other than green and the pretty red apples, even the greens get darker in the cold! Its just beautiful!

Fall Break

Today is the start of Fall Break!! I love working in the school system!! All the good holidays, and even the random ones, are observed! I get from Thursday until next Monday off. I still have Bel Aire, but that wont be too bad. I mean, I get to sleep when I get off work at 7am. This is going to be super cool.

Today is Thursday, and that means a fun dinner with friends. I really look forward to Thursdays. I really don't get out much, and yes this is my fault, but Thursdays are one thing I know I can count on for fun with some of my closest friends.

This Thursday I get to cook. And looking at my dish, I think I should have ordered out. I can cook don't get me wrong, but unless you are 90 years old I'm not that good. Its been tried and tested, I am not just being hard on myself. I hope they like it. If they like it, and not just fake liked it which I sure they might do so they wont hurt my feelings, I will tell you what I did. And if it is bad Aubrey's Black Forest cake will make everything all better. And that is what dessert is supposed to do anyway.

I will let you all know.

Finger Spelling

Okay, I have struggled with finger spelling since I started learning ASL. And apparently it is the number one hardest thing to learn in that language. So to help any of you who are interested there is the most wonderful web site!

ASL.ms

It is fantastic! And even if you are not interested, it is a fun game to pass the time. If any thing this is a fun little site!

Just thought I would let you all know!

I Can't be it all

You want me like this
you want me like that
I can't be it all

You want me so tall
you say I'm too high
I can't be it all

You want me like me
except more like he
I can't be it all

You want me much smarter
You call me quite quick
I can't be it all

You want me to be stronger
you think me too rough
I can't be it all

Your expectations are too high
of this I cannot lie
I try to meet them all
but I'm just not that tall
I can't be what you want
I can't be it all

So please back off...

Friends! Abba! Hurray!

I thought that this deserved a post all its own.





I love Abba and I love Fall!!

Its Fall!

Its Fall! As of the 22nd of sept. you can even look it up! I am soo excited.

I have the coolest car!

Its a 07 Suzuki Forenza! 15,000 miles, 28mpg. Its the funnest car ever. I miss my small aspire, but I think I will be alright.

The best parts about fall are all the holidays, the hot chocolate, the sweater weather, the colors, really everything. Fall is just the best season that there will ever be. I love it.

Halloween is just around the corner. This interesting store just showed up next Savers. Its called the Halloween Store. (go figure) Its basically an overy priced, larger version of the halloween section at savers. So really it will be interesting to see who comes out on top. Anyhow its really got some cool stuff. Aubrey, Caulene, and I went to go check it out.


They had some really interesting costumes. Really! They had everything from a doctor to a beer bottle. lthough I must admit that this was my favorite....


Hmmm.......

Well, happy fall!!

The gathering of ages

Yesterday was my Dads birthday. He turned the ripe young age of 50 years. It was a wonderful dinner and party. My Mom really out did herself with the Lamb roast and turkey. They were delicious! Oh and the potato's were cooked just right! I only wish I hadn't fulfilled my taco craving only a half hour before going over.
Manda made the most wonderful crazy cake! The frosting had melted on her way over from Eagle Mountain, but I think that is what made it taste better. You had that frosty sweet flavor all through out the cake and not just on top. It was very pleasant.

Dad got a fairly nice haul. He got both the Mummy DVDs, Bravehart on DVD and some nice new shirts, a lounge chair and much much more. We had a lot of fun and laughs.

After we were done with presents and cake, we all just sat around and talked. It was really relaxing. I was really glad to see everyone. I kinda miss not seeing everyone all the time. I guess I also really like birthdays. I also really like having my camera with me. I took about 40 pictures give or take a few. It was super fun.
In all it was a very good day. Not much happened at work during my grave yard shift. It stunk that I only got an hour and half of sleep. But I made it to my sign aide job just in time. The kids I work with both had very good days. I only had to give one time out, and threaten to take away points. It was a very productive work day. Until I got back to Orem and found that I didn't have my apartment keys and that the four roles of film that I had thought belonged to Liz's Sealing pictures were in fact not. One was from that day, however the other three ranged from about a year ago to two or three years ago. So, now I have to go and find those other two rolls of film and get them developed, and I had to go all the way back to American Fork and try to find my keys. Luckily I found them. So all is well.

As for my last post. I am doing just fine. All that post really was, well, a venting. Thats all. I feel just fine. I just have to have a little more faith in myself. I am good at what I do. I just hit some bumps and get a little annoyed at myself when really I haven't done anything wrong at all. So, no worries. All is well.
My boss for alpine thinks I am the cats meow and loves the work I have done with the kids I am assigned to. I am getting a raise at Bel Aire very soon. And I got a lot more than I thought my car would be worth. Now enabling me to put a very nice down payment on a newer car. So, again, no worries. But thank you for all your concern.
Have a lovely day. I know I will. Fall is in the air!

Life

Things have been a little different latley. And it all seems to be happening at once. I feel so behind sometimes.
First, I will tell you about my new job. I am a Sign Aide for Alpine School district. I get to go around and to the different elementarys and help Deaf or hard of hearing children learn to communicate and adjust to a basic class room setting. It is super fun!
Second, and not just a few days before I had to star my first day, I totaled my car. It wasn't my fault and the other parties insurance is paying for everything, but now I get to deal with finding a new car. Now, that is not all that bad. I really like drooling at the possible things I can get out of a car. There are some cool things that can be found. Power windows, rear defrost, power every thing, air conditioning, and soooooo much more. And I must thank everyone who helped me find a car. I can't get it yet...but thankyou all.
Third, one of my very close friends got sealed in the temple this last Saturday! It was so cool! I am glad that she made it. The only down side is that I am such a dud and totally got the time wrong and ended up waiting at the Bountiful Temple for her for about 4 hours. It was worth it to see the joy in her eyes though.
Forth, I seem to have lost myself. I can't seem to grasp any concept and I want to just throw things. Everything I say or do is not right and I am told so often. I have also lost the ability to properly communicate what I want to say, unless it is in sign. I just feel so lost. I feel like i'm stuck in a void. no, its a little darker...anyway.
I also have lost my need to write. I don't know what else to say. Have a nice day.

School

Hello again. I haven't written in a long time, and for that I am sorry. I will try to be better. Now this post may not be as interesting as the last, as I will be letting no one in any more secrets. ;)

School is fast approaching and so is the time to register for classes (yuck). And I am unsure what I am going to do with my bad self. I had planned to get my CNA and see where elderly care took me, but I'm not sure if thats where I want to go now. Don't get me wrong I love my job, but my sweet 90 year old friends are making me old. I just feel old. And if i were to get me CNA 10 cent's says I would end up doing hospice care.

I think I should live a little before I settle. Oddly though I think phlebotomy would be interesting. The thing that also intriges me is that it will only take me a month to get, and every one needs blood suckers (that is basically what they are..). It seems to be a dirty job that no one wants.

I still plan for psychology. I will love that subject to the ends of the earth and will always be working towards my degree in it.

Right now I am searching for a job in the teacher's aide profession. This seems hard to come by. Either that or it takes a lot long than I thought to process applications and such. I don't fancy the idea of being a teacher, however I do like kids. And it would be a change of scene.

I went to Pioneers Village at 'This Is The Place Monument' today with my family! It was super fun. I have to steal pictures from my sister, but when I do I will tell you all about it!

Heather

Spelling Habits

I am going to let you in a secret. Spelling has never been one of my best points. So when I write a blog called "A Working Tittle" what I mean is "A Working Title". You see, spell check didn't tell me it was wrong....

So thank you big Sister. You help me more than you will ever know! Love you too.

A Working Tittle

Hello, it me again. I have read many blogs in the past little while, and now I know what I am supposed to do. Can anyone tell me what that is?.... Okay. I shall tell you, write. Simple answer huh.

I suppose I shall tell you a little about myself. About 22 years and 2 months ago I was blessed to come to this Earth. I suppose God didn't think there was enough trial in the world. The gospel, the theater, wilderness, writing, the color orange, and people watching, are all things that I am mad about.

Its always fun to know that God loves me, I love a good story whenever I can get one, nature is proof that God loves us (most definetly when it rains), Never was blessed with the ability to either tell a story or write one (though I try it anyway), orange is bright and happy, and people are the most fascinating things that have ever walked the earth.

I love people. My shyness may keep me from getting to know many of them, but I love to watch them. Everyone of us comes from a different place. Our ways of reasoning will never be the same no matter how hard any of us try. My favorite thing to do is reading people. It has been something that I have always been able to do. Don't get me wrong, don't go around analyzing everyone I meet. I'm not creepy....but I do love to do it. I am not always correct in what I read, but most of the time I come very close. There are some that are harder to read than others, but again, I am normally close if not right.

And I think it is through this that I have my most annoying quality; I must try to fix everything.

This is something not matter how hard I try I always blundder up. There are very few complete success when I have tried to be said "helpful". Believe me, I have tried to help everyone wither or not they have needed it. I know, my heart is in the right place, but I just don't seem to hit the needle to the point. I just like to make people happy.

I love to be in crowds surrounded by people. However, I would rather be either listening or sitting in the back quietly watching. Don't get me wrong I do like very much to get in on the action. I can let loose just like everyone else. Its just that I like to watch more. I'm not saying don't come near me if you find me sitting of in the back, because some time I am just being stupidly shy and need some help. Because I am shy miss out on a lot, and most of the time I am just hiding.

And I think this is where my second most annoying quality comes from; I need people.

This has been something that I have just recently noticed. Where I like to be alone and set to do my own thing, sometimes I just need to be with people. Even if they don't even notice that I am there, I know they are there and that is all that matters. It is through this that I can sometimes get very clingy. I am deeply sorry to anyone that I have either offended or annoyed by this. I haven't many friends do to this, and most likely my other quality, but I think this is this one that rides on people's emotions most.

People need alone time, and where I don't need that as often, I sometimes don't remember that other people do. And I ask simply that you let me know when I am dong this. Be blunt if you have to. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to notice when I have become so annoying. I may seem a little hurt, but I assure you that I am not....really. Its not fun to find out that you are annoying, but it is worse not to be told and have someone hate you for it. And it boggles my mind because I didn't even know that I was getting clingy. So I may seem hurt but really I am just trying to figure out how I let that happen.

So now that I have chewed your ear off, or at least swollen your eyes with this long rant I thank you for even getting this far. I will talk to you later. Bye!

Summer Heat

Okay, so I really like summer. The beautiful flowers,and tees, and other wonderful things found in nature come to life. It's great! However, the heat is no fun.

Last year I didn't have a cooler. The only thing I had was a fan, and the cooler side of my heater. Basically all my room mate and I achieved was air circulation. Hot air zoomed around the apartment; at least it was not stale air.

This Year, due to the wonderfulness of my older sister and her family I am enjoying the wonderful world of cooler air control. I only have one question, does it need water?

Due to the large amount of brilliance found in my brain, every time I turned the machine on there was a water swishing that some how I associated with the toilet, which sometimes runs. I wasn't until recently that I noticed there was water, do I need to provide that? I really hope that I'm not breaking my lovely air conditioner of happiness.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!

Photography

I love to take pictures. I really like it. There is nothing more interesting to me than to capture a really great story to keep and tell forever. To see that moment over and over, and even though its not in real life, it once was live and that experience will and can be kept forever. That, and its a really great chance for people to see things the way I see them, and that, I must say, is rare.
Since I don't get to take them very often I have to take them when ever I can. And this is my unwilling model. But I thank her for letting me use her.








Pretty Huh?! She's single....

Hello, it is me again. So I am burned from head to arm. I went to the summer fest and had the best time ever! I just wish that Aubs had been able to come. However she was
"there". Liz and I (as geeky as we are) took pictures of the whole day that we had there so that she could enjoy it later.
And liz, she did!
The summer fest is one of the coolest things that comes to Orem. Its basically a miniature provo festival thing that happens to excite people about there city, and for those of us looking for a good time... it comes close. And I wouldn't miss it for the world.


This is Liz and I after flirting a little (yes, it was me) with an EMT who took our picture. The Fire Captain gave me a hat so that Liz and I could rock out in style.

That cool looking sun is my tattoo.... okay not really. But its still really cool.

This was later the next day at the Parade! Caulene, Dana, and I always end up sitting in the sun the entire parade so this year we brought umbrellas to keep the sun out. This was our magical fortress.

The Color Guard.

This was the Best Health Care Float! I loved it. They are so cute.

Pooper Scoopers! The most important people in the parade.
And the Fireworks!

I must say that it was a most enjoyable weekend.

I have never had a blog before. This all very strange and new to me. Writing has never been one of my best talents. Yet, I have been told over and over that I need a blog. So here I am.
I just got off work. It wasn't all that bad. I work at an Assisted Living Center. I love it. The elderly are the most interesting people you could ever meet.
Ummm. I don't know what to write any more so have a good day.